some notes on the first half of robin hood: prince of thieves

i'm not sure why i started watching this, but i blame netflix instant viewer. i only got about halfway through before giving up completely, but within the first five seconds i realized that if i didn't have anyone to share my wisecracks with i'd probably go nuts (er). taking that into account, i jotted down a few notes, mystery science theater 3000-style (not that i could hope to successfully emulate such a style, but i do frequently emulate it unsuccessfully). i know that said notes are close to 20 years too late, but here they be anyway, starting from the beginning and working through to, as aforesaid, about the middle:

-bayreux tapestry vision--for all your beyreux tapestry vision needs.
-try universal '90's soundtrack! universal '90's soundtrack: wonderfully at home in robin hood: prince of thieves, it can also double as accompaniment to home alone II. or my father the hero. and possibly face/off.
-yes, real arabs were found to be unnecessary for the making of this film. same goes for characterization and historicity.
-meanwhile, in the camel-choked streets of what is most definitely agrabah or something, a giant lemon is eaten.
-locksley senior played by henry the eighth.
-nothing screams late 1100's (? i'm not good with dates) like a new mohawk and getting to second base with sand.
-kevin costner: englishman, pacifist, action hero.
-robin hood proves his princeliness in regards to thievery by the brilliant and entirely historically anachronistic technicolor dreamcoat heist. and how does he prove himself to have enacted such a theft? he wears the spoils. at all times.
-alan rickman tells an eagle to shut up.
-costner. cutter.
-maid marian, for whom the costumer went to new mediums, has plenty of hair and shows her spirit by chin thrusts and whining.
-little john: "here [in the sherwood forest] we're safe...to grow our hair out, and to look vaguely like elizabeth taylor."
-duncan: oh no no no.
-the whole morgan freeman character is making me quite uncomfortable. perhaps this is the film's purpose--to drive the discomforts of race relations out into the open. but somehow i don't think so.
-alan rickman: not sure if what he's doing quite qualifies as acting, but whatever it is it's entirely amazing.
-ACTION ARROW-MAKING! thank you, soundtrack, for turning an otherwise somewhat pointless montage into...um... never mind (said in an emily litella voice).
-rowan atkinson as mr. bean IS action scribe!!

i don't remember, but i think it's edward said who is entirely correct about depictions of arabic people and culture in america. seriously, movie? seriously? i know it's the '90's but come on.